The Incredibly Powerful Word
At Upways, we coach high achievers with big goals. Accomplished musicians, high-tech entrepreneurs, retired “next chapter” philanthropists, and ambitious university students. While their roles and pursuits are varied, there is a common theme that runs between them - managing their time and focus. Fortunately, we have a tried-and-true tool that is easy to implement and is infinitely powerful.
This itty-bitty superhero is the word NO.
Programmed for Yes
As a culture we are pre-programmed for yes. We face requests and expectations from work projects, family, social activities, friends, and the never-ending inbox. Our inclination is to accommodate, flex, and try to meet these expectations. That’s not bad. Unless saying yes to others means saying no to yourself, your goals, your health, and your relationships.
For high-level pros, a barrage of requests is just another day at the office. So how do they accomplish what they need to do amidst the noise? They put NO first and YES after they’ve tackled the critical tasks that will move them forward. Knowing there will never be enough time to say yes to all things, they understand that some things won’t be accomplished. But the important things will.
When to say NO
Invoking your NO takes practice; it can feel awkward and uneasy. But it is easy to implement. Think of NO as the word that protects you.
Before you give up a precious yes, ask yourself:
Does this opportunity support my goals?
If I say yes will this task deplete my energy, focus, or time for more important priorities this week?
Does this request align with my values?
Will this YES jeopardize the quality of my current commitments?
What do I gain from saying yes? What’s my ROI?
HOW TO SAY NO: POLITE BUT POWERFUL
Bruce Tulgan, of the Harvard Business Review, says “a well-considered no protects you.” He says the inflow of requests these days is daunting - and now more than ever our professional success and personal well-being depends on how well we manage them. “You can’t say yes to everyone and everything and hope to do all of it well,” Tulgan adds. To take on too many or the wrong kinds of commitments is to waste your time, energy, and money – and distract you from what’s really important.
So the next time you know the NO is necessary, give one of these polite but powerful responses a try:
The respectful decline: “I’m really flattered you thought of me, but my schedule is full this week, so I’ll need to respectfully decline. Thank you for thinking of me.”
The repeat reply (for those who didn’t hear you the first time) – “I can appreciate that this is important to you, but unfortunately, as I said, I need to say no this time. I appreciate you thinking of me.”
The sandwich no (Positive. No thank you. Positive/Encouraging)- “I really appreciate you including me, but I won’t be able to make it this time. I look forward to reconnecting when things slow down for me.”
The “no reason” no: Good news! You never have to justify your no. You can decline and keep your reasons to yourself. “I need to decline. Thank you for thinking of me.”
As you practice your no’s and start to better guard your time, remember that boundaries don’t have to be permanent. The no you put into place today doesn’t need to be a “never”. It can be a “not now”.
The “not now” no: “This is a short-term but important commitment for me. I look forward to making plans with you when my schedule opens again. Thanks for your understanding.”
YOUR NO’S MAKES ROOM FOR BETTER YESES
Invoking your NO shows that you value your priorities, respect your self-wellness, and that you honor your commitments. When you become more decisive about the way you spend your time, you’ll also start to realize how much more of it you have for what really matters. You’ll have more energy for what is worthy of your energy. You’ll be aligning your daily choices with your highest values.
The famous billionaire and U.S. investor, Warren Buffet, is famous for saying, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say NO to almost everything.”
So…how successful do you want to be?
